N-Dubz
Taken from http://nosoapradiopolka.co.uk
Despite producing songs which are less enjoyable than a brain haemorrhage, N-Dubz have fastly become one of the country’s most popular pop groups. They even have their own book, N-Dubz – Against All Odds: From Street Life to Chart Life, assuming there are any semi-literate N-Dubz fans out there.
I didn’t realise that the situation in the country was so grave. It seems that rather than funding a mission to propel these people into the sun, people are apparently spending their well earned assets on purchasing their music instead. The people of this country are a glutton for punishment.
I’m not quite sure I understand their mass appeal. I can only assume it’s because an embarrassingly large percentage of stupid Brits have mistaken their outdated chav loutishness for rebelliousness, when in fact Dappy and his crew are about as bad as Duplo.
Dappy looks like the terrifying love child of John Waters and Billy Banks and seems to have learnt all he knows about rap music from watching extensive repeats of The Fresh Prince of Bell-Air.
After stumbling across the book, imagine my horror when I found out that the hell doesn’t end there. Yes, they even have their own TV show, Being N-Dubz, in which The Dubz parade across the globe inflicting their obnoxiousness on other countries and generally acting like the worst people on the planet.
The programmes producers must have worked hard to cram so much bad into such a short space of time. In fact, that’s bullshit. They no doubt had hours of footage of these terrible people acting like complete morons, which becomes obvious as the show progresses. Sitting through the opening of this show is like piercing your own eyeball. It’s a montage of idiocy, in which Dappy and the two other Duz prance around being unbearable.
“We’re too fucking cool, man,” says Dappy, whilst resembling an aborted Diddy Kong foetus. He goes on to say, ”I’m Dappy! I was committing crime whilst you was in your nappy!” at which point I give up on life.
I hate you, England. What happened to you? You used to be cool – for a short period of time in the ’60s and then for an even shorter period of time in the late ’70s.
